when the new year rolls around, I pray and ponder on what I would like this year to look like. and more importantly, how can I align my life and heart to my heavenly father's. what does he want for me in this year, for my children, for my marriage - what does he want to do in my heart. and this year, the only word I kept hearing over and over was freedom. it was quietly prayed over me a few months ago by a dear friend, it was sung over me in worship, and over and over the Lord just kept whispering into my heart and spirit, freedom.
I want freedom for you. and freedom only comes through me.
freedom in motherhood. to be the mother I want to be - or rather the mother he wants me to be. I am not bound by the way others do things, but instead have the freedom to know and play with my children, to be present, to love fully, to embrace the messy. to be free from expectation - the heavy one's that I put upon myself.
freedom from shame, guilt, and condemnation. those are clothes that the enemy wants to cover me in. God never speaks those words over us. freedom from past mistakes and failure. to not dwell in the sea of sin, but cling to the savior, to the one who comes to set us free. and even the freedom to forgive myself.
freedom to hope again, to dream new dreams - to pursue things that I love, even if I am not great at them, to draw and paint, and pursue photography in new ways, to be creative on a daily basis, even if in a small way. even if someone is doing the same thing, and maybe even better than me. so what!? freedom to just do. to be a storyteller - a little dream I have always had, to write. even if I just start here, with my blog.
freedom in my marriage, to experience real joy and intimacy, and deep belly laughs. to choose it first, before friends, before ministry, even before our children. to be friends, and date, and have fun. freedom to dream big things for our marriage and family. God does make all things new, and we can give him our struggles, our hurts, even our disappointments - and trust that he is good.
and even though i don't set traditional resolutions - i have little goals like learning the piano, wear more dresses (which means trying to shave more consistently), and work out goals, i mainly just want to pray the prayer of freedom over my life
