L E A D T H E W A Y

when I look at this photo, it is so accurate of my little girl. running, excitedly where her heart desires, quickly away from me. away from the little infant I rocked for hours on end, who only wanted her mama to hold her. she is growing up so fast, and she is fast and full of energy and life. and me with my swollen belly, finds it hard to catch up. and so sometimes, I just sit back and watch with amazement at how determined she is. she knows where she is going. she is leading the way.

and that's exactly what I let her do today. I let her lead our walk through the gardens and she led us straight to the turtle pond.

and there we sat, quietly waiting for the turtles to approach. and one by one they did. and the big smile and twinkle in her eyes, was too much for this mama heart. she was so happy to just sit next to me like we were old friends, blowing bubbles, turtle watching, and having a good chat.

my mind can't help but wander, and think about all the times I walked these same gardens when I was pregnant with her, and how its the place where I found peace about becoming a mother. and now here she is, like its her stomping grounds, familar. she knows this place and she is leading me, leading me to the secret turtle pond, and leading me through the beautiful rocky terrain, and showing me where the tiny seeds bloom into roses. and she has led the way into me becoming a mother.

as we leave the gardens, and sparrow asks if we will bring the new baby here, I just look down and smile, because we already have. but, yes, I say to her, of course we can bring the new baby here. and she will lead the way to the turtle pond and budding flowers. and all this time, I have been nervous about the transition to come, and so nostalgic for those first days with sparrow, and looking upon her with wonderment and a twinge of sadness at how big she is, and that each day she is getting older and further away from me. but, she is leading the way, and she is growing into a beautiful, adventurous, creative, and empathetic person. and she is going to be an awesome big sister. and I can't wait.

lead the way, sparrow. lead the way.

E A S T E R W E E K E N D

 

 

we had a lovely, quiet weekend. enjoyed a beautiful easter service, sparrow enjoyed collecting + emptying her treasures from her eggs. I put together a little photo-shoot inside & hosted one at twu gardens for our community! it was such a last minute thing ~ but turned out to be super fun + relaxing for me, and I got to love on some cute kiddos. and a lady showed up at the end, while I was cleaning up and handed us her 5 week old bunnies to hold.

this easter was different. it was spent just the three of us. soon to be four of us. and I can't help but wonder at the life we are creating, our own little traditions and adventures building up over time, turning into a magical childhood, one I get to relive through my daughter's eyes.

and yet, I long to be near family. sometimes, Austin feels so very far away, when your homesick. I missed my mom's deviled eggs, my sister's laugh, even the family drama and bickering that always makes an appearance - when you have a room full of strong and stubborn women.

one year for easter, my mom made huge muddy foot prints go all the way up our stairs that ended in my room, where I awoke that morning to a basket full of goodies. my favorite chap stick and sour candies. and I remember seeing the foot prints as I ran excitedly down the stairs, proclaiming that the easter bunny had come - just like mom had promised the night before. I think back to all the little things my mom did to make things magical and joyful, just to see my face light up with delight.
and I hope to do the same.

we are making a life. one that is our own. that I hope my children will remember with fondness. just like I do, with a full heart.

S W E E T + S P I CY K A L E S A L A D

this is my favorite salad to eat. at least right now.

here is what you need:

1 bunch of kale
1 orange (juice only)
1 tbs lime juice
1 tbs olive oil
1 tsp honey
1/4 tsp salt
dash of cayenne pepper
garlic clove, chopped finely
2 tangerines, peeled + separated
2 tbs walnuts or almonds
1 large carrot, peeled + chopped
2 tbs raisins/craisins

here is what you do:

tear kale off the vein into bite size pieces and place in a mixing bowl. whisk together the juice from the orange, lime juice, olive oil, honey, salt, cayenne pepper, and garlic clove. pour over kale and let marinate for at least 30 min or even over night. after kale has marinated, top with remaining ingredients, toss and serve. enjoy!

Enjoy!

W H E N Y O U F E E L D E F E A T E D

because the sink is overflowing with dishes from last night's supper

and tonight's dinner isn't ready yet, though small hands grasp at the hem of your skirt and small voices whimper for food, and papa is going to be home soon

because you've exploded on the littles for minor wrongdoings, giving into anger

when your words and actions are lacking the fruits of the spirit. joy. patience. kindness. gentleness. self-control. love.

when you pray with clenched fists, refusing to fully surrender

as you walk from one room to another, you step on legos scattered, see the tornado that went through the littles bedroom, clothes and toys everywhere

and your just so.very.tired. from it all

because you can't relinquish control. or your agenda. the list. don't they know you have a million things to do today.

the piles and piles of laundry.

and your eye's linger on the dying plant that's been neglected for too long

and then the lies seep in. tiny little whispers, failure. you are no good at this. today I have failed.

my voice has been too loud, too hard. my hands haven't been gentle. my heart hasn't bowed before the One. and it's hard to give thanks in this place. hard to see grace of day in, day out. exhaustion. sameness. in the mundane. when your heart is hurting and heavy, when you are surrounded by noise and needs, and there just doesn't seem like there will ever be an end.

and you long to be on the mountain. to have your moses moment. to see, hear, feel him near. to know him, intimately, again. to let him breathe life into you once, again.

remember.

He sees. He sees it all. you. me. He sees the messes we make, of our homes, of our hearts. He sees the tired look in your eyes, the slight slump in your shoulders - the look of defeat.

and.

he whispers, just like he did to moses, ' my presence will go with you, and I will give you rest'

and.

he whispers, just like he did to paul, 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'

and. 

he whispers, just like he did to jeremiah, that