L E A D T H E W A Y

when I look at this photo, it is so accurate of my little girl. running, excitedly where her heart desires, quickly away from me. away from the little infant I rocked for hours on end, who only wanted her mama to hold her. she is growing up so fast, and she is fast and full of energy and life. and me with my swollen belly, finds it hard to catch up. and so sometimes, I just sit back and watch with amazement at how determined she is. she knows where she is going. she is leading the way.

and that's exactly what I let her do today. I let her lead our walk through the gardens and she led us straight to the turtle pond.

and there we sat, quietly waiting for the turtles to approach. and one by one they did. and the big smile and twinkle in her eyes, was too much for this mama heart. she was so happy to just sit next to me like we were old friends, blowing bubbles, turtle watching, and having a good chat.

my mind can't help but wander, and think about all the times I walked these same gardens when I was pregnant with her, and how its the place where I found peace about becoming a mother. and now here she is, like its her stomping grounds, familar. she knows this place and she is leading me, leading me to the secret turtle pond, and leading me through the beautiful rocky terrain, and showing me where the tiny seeds bloom into roses. and she has led the way into me becoming a mother.

as we leave the gardens, and sparrow asks if we will bring the new baby here, I just look down and smile, because we already have. but, yes, I say to her, of course we can bring the new baby here. and she will lead the way to the turtle pond and budding flowers. and all this time, I have been nervous about the transition to come, and so nostalgic for those first days with sparrow, and looking upon her with wonderment and a twinge of sadness at how big she is, and that each day she is getting older and further away from me. but, she is leading the way, and she is growing into a beautiful, adventurous, creative, and empathetic person. and she is going to be an awesome big sister. and I can't wait.

lead the way, sparrow. lead the way.